There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
