Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
