Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
