Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
