how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
