her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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