Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
