so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
