Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
