Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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