After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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