i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
