go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
