Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
