she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
love makes seman taste better
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
