They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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