dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
