I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
