First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
