Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
