i just had sex bonerless
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
