It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
