In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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