if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
