My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
