We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
