I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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