fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
