and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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