You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
