My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
