There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
