apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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