Do you still have your period?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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