If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
