Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
