Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You've changed since you got that strap on
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
