My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
