Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
