I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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