my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
