dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
