I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
