im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
