I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
