no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Farmville is her only friend.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
