Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
