I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I believe in your delicious
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
