ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
