How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
