Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
